By Namita Kulkarni.
I’ve been regarded equally a foreign aberration past times a practiced reveal of random strangers, who thought I was perfectly normal as well as hunky-dory upwards until the squall for where it came upwards inwards conversation that I was "travelling alone", for a calendar month no less. And no, I did non conduct keep to go dorsum inwards fourth dimension a few centuries to abide by these unsuspecting souls, who I had unwittingly shocked the living daylights out of. I met them on my recent trip to Bali, of all radical places inwards the basis for a adult woman to go alone. Its female-friendly reputation as well as depression criminal offence charge per unit of measurement aside, hadn’t it pretty much turned into Single-Woman-Traveler Central overnight a long fourth dimension ago, after a surely Ms. Gilbert (Respect) wrote her wildly successful memoir? Of all places on the planet, I'd expected that this is where a adult woman travelling lonely would live seen equally de riguer, a cliche worn sparse past times now, alongside maybe fifty-fifty conduct keep a few classic jokes of its ain - anything but a shocker.
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| Baffling people! |
So there’s the baffled aspect followed past times "Oh, a girl/woman travelling alone, on your own for a month! How does it feel?" Sounding totally mature, I acquire "It's AWEsome!"
Another baffled aspect later, I acquire that classic raised-eyebrows-downturned-mouth tedious nodding accompanied past times "You’re real bold, it's thence brave of you".
Done alongside such heart-felt candor, I tin almost remove heed a backtrack of resounding applause from within their head, piece I wonder if this instant warrants a grand spoken language I forgot to prepare. On some level, I’m totally enjoying this newly discovered stupor value I didn’t know I had, but I’m also cool to allow that show. Compelled past times some honest humility, I crusade to demystify my jaw-dropping bravery, alongside "Well, I grew upwards inwards Republic of Republic of India ...". Which is to say, I conduct keep a dark belt inwards badassery as well as street smarts from growing upwards dodging street sexual harrassment (physical as well as verbal) every fourth dimension I stepped out. And shutting downward chauvinism, patriarchy as well as misogyny every fourth dimension they reared their ugly heads (a lot!) inwards workplaces, colleges, social interactions as well as homes. And retaining my sanity through it all.
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| Travelling lonely as well as loving it. |
So if they are going to live baffled past times my bravery, they powerfulness equally good live thence for the correct reasons – non for "travelling lonely inwards Bali", which inwards all seriousness sounds similar a tiara made of rainbows compared to life inwards Republic of Republic of India equally a female. Sure it’s a big bad basis but that’s equally truthful inwards your backyard equally anywhere else. And to my mind, the dangers/hurdles that i faces as well as punches through equally a adult woman inwards Republic of Republic of India (street sexual harassment, attacks on women for beingness women, deep-seated misogyny, sexism, patriarchy, you lot acquire the drift) are hardly less threatening than the dangers that go exposes me to. In fact, I felt agency safer on an Indonesian political party isle total of variously (even ingeniously) intoxicated strangers from everywhere (Gili Trawangan, you lot conduct keep my heart) than I do inwards wide daylight inwards my upmarket neighbourhood inwards Bombay.
So yes, that variety of stranger-certified assurance of my "boldness" volition ever seem misplaced as well as a tad archaic. Makes me wonder if they’ve been living nether a stone all this while. What else are they going to live amazed by? The fact that I conduct keep a banking concern concern human relationship inwards my advert alongside coin I earned, that I voted final calendar week (for a woman!), as well as that if I get married someday, it won’t involve an telephone commutation of goats as well as cows? Maybe they should follow me unopen to alongside a photographic television receiver camera i of these days as well as capture an entire 24-hour serial of amazements nonchalantly performed past times me, i after the other, all inwards the casual course of educational activity of my daily life. And if the mood hits me, I'll fifty-fifty throw inwards a freebie karaoke functioning of ‘I volition survive’ for them, piece their archaic heads reel.
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| Sunrise at Mount Batur, that makes all the head-turning worth it. |
And here’s an irony which seems to conduct keep completely escaped them. Given that the reveal i danger to women - globally, historically as well as statistically - is men, as well as that most crimes against women are committed past times men known to the victim/survivor, shouldn’t it stand upwards to argue that a adult woman is genuinely safer travelling lonely than alongside a man? (The reveal i danger to men? Good former pump disease. Though I'm glad to know a lot of women who could alter that inwards a 24-hour interval if they wished as well as gladly claim that dubious accolade simply to grade the field, but that's some other story).
With a piddling probing into those astonished minds, I gleaned that what astonished them is the sheer autonomy exercised past times a adult woman when she deems herself capable as well as deserving of a solo go adventure, confident inwards her powerfulness to conduct keep tending of herself inwards unfamiliar surroundings, as well as happy equally a clam to conduct keep her ain desirable self for company. No external validation or permission sideslip or honeymoon parcel required. That's where the stupor as well as awe laid in.
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| Ready to conduct keep on the world. |
To exam the sexism underlying the conversation, I decided to swap the genders inwards the conversation. Talking to this Swede rapper guy I met at the festival, the instant he allow it sideslip that he was – concur your breath – travelling alone – I went “Whoaaa!!! Damnnn!!! What’s that like!!!” Striving to hitting the same pitch of amazement equally I had past times as well as thence grown accustomed to hearing. My reaction, if I’m at all emotionally astute, stopped simply brusk of appalling him as well as questioning his self-belief as well as sanity, piece he must conduct keep wondered why I’d of a abrupt as well as inexplicably gone from normal to unhinged. Bewildered past times my undue bewilderment, even thence politely trying to enshroud it, he said that he did conduct keep 2 friends alongside him on the outset leg of his trip, but straightaway he was getting unopen to past times himself simply fine as well as that it was no big bargain really. I nodded knowingly at him, the words ‘no big bargain really’ striking a deep chord within me.
When I ran into him the side past times side 24-hour interval I allow it sideslip that I was travelling lonely too. Which perplexed him no end. My recent undue bewilderment straightaway looked fifty-fifty to a greater extent than ridiculously ‘undue’. Highly bemused, he insisted on an explanation for my reaction. I joked that I had deep-seated double standards that maybe needed a rethink. Influenza A virus subtype H5N1 few shared laughs later, I asked him what he had thought when I had reacted that way. With a slew of eloquent profanity (perhaps a Swede thing, or to a greater extent than a 25-year-old hip-hop rapper thing, or both), he said that my bewilderment seemed to conduct keep carried a lot of unfounded sentence as well as presumption nigh him. Quite the deja vu for me! My piddling feminist social experiment had worked as well as no men had been harmed inwards the process. I should do this to a greater extent than often, I retrieve thinking.
I'm going to conduct keep a wild justice hither that it would real much puzzle as well as amuse whatever human – beingness marveled at for bravery, for a chore that essentially involved buying himself flying tickets, getting a visa or two, maybe having a fossil oil invention (or not), beingness of reasonably audio heed (or at to the lowest degree able to faux it, similar most people I know), as well as and thence simply showing upwards as well as putting himself out at that spot without self-destructing at whatever point. With a basic instinct for self-preservation, similar all living beings everywhere. Brave guy, eh?
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| Loving my ain company. |
And for the record, women conduct keep been exploring the basis on their ain for centuries, fifty-fifty to the furthest places as well as nether the most treacherous conditions, equally this inspiring animation points out, inwards all of iv minutes.
I don't know nigh you, but I know how I desire to react the side past times side fourth dimension I run across a human travelling past times himself.
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AUTHOR BIO: Yoga instructor. Loves going where she's never been, having adventures/misadventures, reading, singing, dancing, painting, learning novel languages, as well as to a greater extent than oftentimes than non seizing the day. And living to tell the tale. Namita tweets @namitakulkarni as well as blogs at http://huesandviews.
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